Updated: Feb 2
30 Days of Fabstinence was started on a whim. On How to Get Away with Murder, Michaela announced “the new fabulous abstinent me –FABSTINENT me”. In Shonda we trust, Michaela’s declaration was a sign of what I needed to do. I could be fabstinent, at least for 30 days, and with November being a 30-day month, it was perfect timing.
There are 3 things I need: more self-control, to focus on my blog, and stop spending money. I even put a note in my phone. When you write things down, they become real.
I just want what I want when I want it and I need to take a deep breath and grow up. The reason I picked sex and alcohol is because I thought, if I cannot control what I put into my body how can I control anything else? 30 days day of no sex –including by myself and no drinking should have been a cake walk.
2. Nicole Belvedere
I put starting a podcast on my Vision Board for 2018. As of October, all I had was half used and neglected Instagram account, a piece of Facebook page and an email address. Ten months into the year, and I was nowhere. I’m on my personal IG all day every day and I needed to put that time into @nicole.belvedere.
3. Frivolous Spending
This really goes back to self-control. Spending $10 dollars a day in lunch and not cooking dinner because I don’t feel like it is not doing anyone any favors. Especially not my bank account.
One week (7 days) into 30 Days of Fabstinence and I was miserable. Maybe taking masturbation off the table was over reaching. In the beginning, I had the idea of go big or go home. Well I may as well have sent myself packing because I almost craved for an orgasm. Thank goodness I hid my toys in the trunk of my car. Unlike an addict, I’m wasn’t leaving the warmth of my bed to get my friends from the car. By week 2, I was questioning the benefits of giving up sex and alcohol.
On the 8th, I was talking to a friend and he asked why did I give up sex and alcohol. My answer was cliché -working on a better version of me. His response stuck with me. “I learned a long time ago, life is easier when you not running from yourself.” Sex is something that is in me and I just didn’t realize how much until I stopped. As I mentioned earlier, I gave up all sex – sex with myself, sex with others, sexual conversations. It never dawned on me until now how much I talk about sex. It’s almost laughable. But what’s surely laughable is that I didn’t last 30 days without an orgasm. It wasn’t in me. I needed my orgasm. The world needed me to have an orgasm because I was turning into a total bitch.
I’m not a daily drinker. Hell, I’m not even a weekly drinker. So not drinking was not breaking me of any harmful or bad habits. I wasn’t filling my “drinking time” with other activities because I’m a social drinker but I’m not always a social person. On November 16, 2018, exactly halfway through my challenge, I had a drink. I actually had several on the 16th and 17th. I was at a conference with a group of friends and made the decision that I wanted to drink and that is what happened.
The focus on Nicole Belvedere and Spending was really helpful. I was able to see the benefits of abstaining from spending money and my personal IG account. This helped me to stick with the program. The give and take were motivation to keep going even when I wanted to order lunch with the rest of the office and catch up with my TL.
The Wrap Up
By spending less time or my personal Instagram account and more time on @nicole.belvedere, it helped me to focus on building me brand. Do I have 1000 followers? No, but I’ve developed habits that will get me there. On November 1st, I did not have a blog title, logo or website and now all three exist.
The biggest obstacles we face in life are the ones we create for ourselves. The first hurdle I had to jump was fear. Fear of failure. As long as I kept blogging as a dream, it remained a possibility. The moment it fails, my dreams come to an end.
Many people may not realize they don’t have to chase their dreams alone. I know the support system I have in my family (these friends are family) but people cannot want more for you than you want for yourself. Once I started taking myself seriously, the moral support, the connections and the resources began to flow like a dam had broken. Although they didn’t say it, I could tell they were waiting for me to believe in me.
30 days of Fabstinence was a learning experience. I encourage everyone to try it. We can all work on a better version of us with from ourselves. I not necessarily running to a better me, but I am headed towards the next version of me. The next leg of this journey is dedication.
Do you have the dedication to continue on your journey or is 30 Days the end of the road?